Thursday, February 10, 2011

Missing him...

So, these past few days that I have come back from graduation have not been great. First I am still sick. I had the flu which then gave me pneumonia before I left for graduation. I was getting better, but now my stomach is just being torn apart, I miss food, lol. Though I suppose the one plus I can attempt to find from having this is I have dropped weight, totally not worth it though. I wish Hunter was hear cause I feel awful and could just use someone to take care of me. I heard from him yesterday on facebook for like 20 minutes and I was happy. I was hoping that would happen again today but it didn't. I did get his address though and I overnighted his phone so hopefully tomorrow he will be able to call me. I really do miss him. I miss hearing him say I love you. I miss the simple things, I know I say that over and over again but it's true. Sometimes I wish I could just have what others have in a "normal" relationship and with that I just mean being able to hear his voice, see him, hug him, kiss him. I know that this distance should strengthen our relationship and i think to an extent it has, i just don't know for how long it will continue to do so. I am worried that with like 6 month deployments he will forget about me. idk, maybe not so much forget about me, but fall out of love with me. I am worried he will get so consumed with his new life and his new buddies that I will just get left behind in all this. Don't get me wrong I want him to enjoy his time in the Navy and enjoy his friends, but i just don't know where I fall in all of this. I just hope I am in his thoughts long term, especially when he thinks about whether he plans on doing career or not. I think that's why since we have been engaged that I am not as happy as I thought I would be. I mean i totally see myself being with him for life, he makes me so happy. But, I am scared that if he chooses career that I know that is not something I want to have to do. I want to be able to have a husband that I get to see, and make sure that I don't have to raise kids by myself. That is why I can't be truly happy about this engagement, I am scared to commit to getting married because I don't know what he is going to do. I know he can't decide now because this is still new to him but I hope he decides soon. I want all these stupid doubts in my mind to go away, cause I really do love him. Well, I am going to try and get some sleep, hopefully this flu will be gone by the morning.

No comments:

Post a Comment